What is Respect? What are you thinking?

Titles, awards, grandiose job descriptions—none of these necessarily command respect. Respect, I have found, is a far more elusive and difficult-to-earn thing. It's not something you're entitled to; it's something you cultivate, something that approaches from repeated actions and good character. So what do I think about respect? I'm studying how we, as individuals, can cultivate it, not necessarily require it.

I wasted a lot of time following the illusion of respect in the form of external validation. I chased achievements, thinking that ticking boxes on a societal checklist would somehow be equivalent to garnering the automatic respect of others. I hunted promotions, bigger titles and bigger achievements. And while these brought a measure of recognition, they did not bring the respect I was looking for. The respect that was real, the type that translated beyond superficial admiration.

Honestly, I was focusing on the wrong things. I was prioritizing recognized status over real connection and consistent positive behavior. Respect isn't something bestowed; it's something you build brick by brick, action by thoughtful action.

So, what are those bricks? What goes into building a foundation of respect? In my experience, it boils down to these key ingredients:

Honesty and Integrity: Being truthful, even when it's difficult, is the most important. Integrity means acting in accordance with your values, even when no one is watching. This determined commitment to truth and ethical conduct is a cornerstone of real respect.

Empathy and Compassion: Taking the other's perspective seriously and understanding their feelings is crucial. Setting oneself in the other's shoes, being compassionate toward their issues, and supporting them when needed creates trust and encourages respect.

Active Listening: Do not just listen to what a person is saying, but actively listen in order to actually understand their message, both verbal and non-verbal. This demonstrates respect and interest in their feelings and thoughts.

Reliability and Responsibility: Gaining respect and trust requires you to be responsible for your actions, keep your word and own up to your mistakes. People respect those who are true and accountable.

Respect for Boundaries: It is important to recognize and respect other individuals' boundaries. This means respecting their time, their opinions and their space. It is a matter of recognizing that every individual has their own unique needs and decisions.

Building respect is something active. It requires constant learning and self-reflection and having a want to be the best version of yourself. It's being a better you each and every day, someone who is worthy of being looked up to and trusted. It's recognizing that respect has two sides. We can't expect respect if we're not willing to give it away freely to other people.

It's a journey and not a destination. There will be failures, moments when we fall short of our ideals. The trick is to learn from our failures, to take responsibility for our mistakes and to try harder. The pursuit of respect is not about being perfect; it's about effort and honestly.

---

Frequently asked questions:

Q: Is respect given or earned?

A: Respect is earned primarily via consistent behavior and character. Politeness and excellent manners are first provided, but long-term respect is earned by showing all of these attributes.

Q: What happens if someone continuously disrespects me?

A: The most crucial step is to set boundaries. You can not control other people's behavior, but you can control how you react. This could be accomplished by reducing contact and carefully communicating your expectations.

Q: Do I have to be liked in order to be respected?

A: Yes. Respect and likeability are very different concepts. You can earn respect for your work and professionalism even if you are not everyone's cup of tea.

Q: How do I deal with being disrespected?

A: Acknowledge your feelings. Speak up if you need to, respectfully if possible. If disrespect continues, you may need to distance yourself from the situation or person.

---

Building respect is an ongoing process throughout life. It is not a race to the finish line, but rather a journey of continuous development and self-improvement. By remembering these ideals and continually working to be a better person, we can all develop a basis of respect, not only for ourselves, but also for those around us.